Marriage: “You and me against the world.” NO!

Intro: The mf Wedding left me speechless

“I have no words. No freaking words to describe last night,” was the best I could do to describe our wedding the morning after. It was the culmination of so much for Mayra and I as a couple, and as individuals. Here’s a look by the numbers:

12 years as a couple
6+ year career at Accenture for me
3 year engagement
1 year pandemic postponement
3+ months of intense projects at our respective jobs
2+ months of family hardships

Most importantly, it was the culmination of so much learning. As proud Christians, Mayra and I got married in the Catholic Church. Part of the process entailed attending a marriage retreat back in 2020 before COVID. At this retreat, my mind was blown. I began to understand the deeper meaning of marriage. And immediately after leaving, I made a promise to share all that I learned. I gathered some epic quotes and notes that I can’t help but share. So here we are with this monster article!

The intent of this article is to share my understanding of marriage. Outside of throwing an epic party and committing to someone for the rest of your life, what does marriage really represent? What’s the deeper purpose of marriage? Like most things in life, I’m learning that the journey to marriage and marriage itself, is but a process in coming closer to God. Marriage increases your capacity to give and receive love. Marriage brings a deeper purpose to life.

The article is organized into three parts:

Part 1: Journey to Marriage. What leads to marriage? How did I get there?
Part 2: The Wedding. What happened at church? God attended our reception? Say what?!
Part 3: Marriage. We’re married! So now what? What happens now? (This is my favorite part of the article! It contains the most 🔥 quotes and wisdom on marriage.)

Quick heads up on two items before we dive in:

Lots of God: While I’ll admit the article leans heavily on faith and spirituality, I’m hopeful you can still take something away regardless of what you believe. I reference God often because that’s what I believe in. If that’s a belief or name you don’t jive with, feel free to substitute with whatever you’d like. Such as “Love,” the “universe” or a “higher power.” (Quick side note on subbing the word Love – it subs really well into any part of the article where I reference God. Try it out. I believe this is so because in my eyes, God is Love. All the good things in life are grounded in Love.)
Mayra & I know very little: As always, I’m just sharing what I’ve learned. While being in a relationship for 12 years says something, we have only been married for a few months. I’m no marriage expert. I’m just sharing our experience and the most powerful marriage concepts I discovered on our journey to marriage.

Alrighty, let’s get to it!

Part 1: Journey to Marriage – Listening to God

So what got Mayra and I to the altar? This was the part I had the toughest time putting into words. Mayra nailed this part when I asked her for input. Her response to my question was: “Practicing using our tools and listening to God.”

I really vibed with the listening to God part. That’s the theme of this section – Mayra and I went 12 years strong as a couple by listening to God.

Listening to God isn’t easy. Sometimes He’d tell me things I didn’t fully agree with, as foolish as that sounds. Society—or ego—would say, “Well, you’ve never dated anyone else, maybe you should see what else is out there.” Well my ego entertained that thought, there was a deep inner Voice in me that kept me committed to her.

Listening to God also enabled us to forgive. The ego doesn’t want us to forgive, it wants us to be right. All the time. By listening to God, we were able to look past the big and small road bumps. Whenever one of us would hiccup, we knew that wasn’t who we really were. We’d forgive, and begin again.

Part 2: The Wedding – Representing God

In this section we’ll cover: 1) the sacrament of marriage, 2) representing God at our wedding.

Marriage is one of seven sacraments in the Catholic Church. This list includes baptism, confirmation, and communion to name a few. In short, a sacrament is an encounter with God. For communion, a Priest administers the sacrament through consecration of the bread and distribution of it. On the contrary, unlike any other sacrament, marriage is a sacrament administered by two people in love. In other words, we — Mayra and I — are the sacrament. We are giving each other an encounter with God. Oof. I found this powerful af.

One of my favorite quotes from the marriage retreat I mentioned previously was: “On your wedding day, you two represent God. What message about Him will you send?” (Great place to sub in “Love” if you’d like: “…you two represent Love.”) This was our North Star for the day. It kept us grounded in the big picture. It kept us present. It kept us focused on having the best time possible, showering each other and those around us with love. God is love. God is dancing our freaking feet off! This helped us look past little things, like being angered over a minor decoration not looking “how it should.”

Lastly, I’ll share some wisdom Father Heft, the priest – a dear friend and spiritual mentor – blessed us with at our ceremony. This great man is known for delivering powerful homilies, always packaged up into three points. Our ceremony was no exception. His three points provided us with messages on (1) the sacred and (2) sacrificial nature of marriage, and (3) learning to love each other.

Lesson #3 was the most moving. He recounts the story of his father proposing to his mother. The key takeaway for me there: learn to love every ounce of Mayra. Yes, I already love her. But do certain characteristics about myself annoy her at times? Of course. And vice-versa. We get to learn to love even those traits which at face value we deem imperfect.

Part 3: Marriage

We’re married! Outside of just living life and loving each other, should anything be different? What should our marriage seek to accomplish? That’s what this section will attempt to unpack. We’ll dig into what I consider the purpose of marriage and how to make it last.

The More Woo-Woo Answer: Being of service to God

To answer this in a succinct way I’m going to kick it over to my girl, Marianne Williamson: “As with anything else, the key to a successful marriage is the conscious awareness of God. The marriage is surrendered to Him to be used for His purposes” She goes on to add: “An enlightened marriage is a commitment to participate in the process of mutual growth and forgiveness, sharing a common goal of service to God.

Mmm. (BTW — just learned, yes that is a legit word. 😅)

Of course Mayra and I got married because we’re attracted to each other and enjoy each other’s company. We love eating together and watching dope shows like Mrs. Maisel! But there has to be more to it than that. If you ask me, our marriage must serve a larger purpose to truly last. That larger purpose is serving God.

What else you got for us, Marianne Williamson? (All quotes are from her timeless book, A Return to Love.)

“A partner’s support and forgiveness enable us to stand forth more magnificently in the world.”

Ain’t it true. While we have individual careers and unique callings, the love we cultivate at home heavily influences how we show up at our job and in the world. And when we show up in love, we are serving God.

Marianne has one more for us. Alongside the above excerpts, she explains that love is meant to be inclusive, not exclusive. She tells the story of a popular song that included the refrain, “You and me against the world.” Humorously, she writes: “If any man ever said that to me, I’d tell him I was switching sides. We don’t get married to escape the world; we get married to heal it together.”

What might our world look like if we choose our partners from that space? Asking ourselves — “Who do I want to heal the world with?” How about that for a perspective shift?

Healing the world is a tall task. It's not only a cause worth fighting for, but also one that requires a lifetime of marriage and love. I get the sense that’s how you make a marriage last.

The Less Woo-Woo Answer (but still sorta woo-woo): Just have fun!

Lightening things up a bit, I believe marriage is also just about having fun! There’s a line in A Course in Miracles that goes: “God’s will for you is perfect happiness… so your joy on earth calls to all minds to let their sorrows go, and take their place beside you in God’s plan.” Adding to that, the Course states that through our shining face and laugh, those around us “hear God calling to them.” God just wants us to be happy. And to share that happiness.

Hence, a couple that is full of joy and happiness, beaming brightly to the world, is a marriage in service to God. Go ahead, post that dope IG pic on the beach. Show the world you are having fun. No judgment. We do that. But even better, let people feel and see your love when they are around you and your partner. Have a freaking epic time anytime you are out in the world. At a recent dinner, our waitress told us, “I love how much fun you two are having.” That comment made me smile. That was Mayra and I being of service to God. Showing, not telling others serves as the best form of inspiration.

Marriage: The closest we can get to God’s commitment

When I look down at my wedding band, I’m reminded of two things: 1) God’s commitment to his people, and 2) my commitment to Mayra. I’ll return to our mass homily for a powerful quote Father Heft shared, from [I need to confirm the individual’s name, but I believe it is Rowan Williams, previously the Archbishop of Canterbury].

“Marriage presents us more clearly than any other human relationship. The unity of truth and love. Clarity and charity. And that is one of the many reasons for the fact that it is so rich a metaphor to describe the relationship of God and humanity. There can be no reconciliation between God and humanity until they can see one another face to face. God and humanity must meet in truth. They must be unveiled to each other. Truth makes love possible. Love makes truth bearable.” OOF. 🔥

In a similar vein, Marianne goes on to write that marriage is a more profound commitment than other forms of relationship, “Because it is an agreement that, while a whole lot of shaking and screaming might go on, no one’s going to leave the room.” You know who else never leaves the room? God.

Closing thoughts: Growing in Love

I have two closing thoughts as I look back on our wedding.

Firstly, one of my favorite elements of it all was my growth in love and appreciation for God, Mayra, and our family & friends. We knew God loved us, and we knew our friends loved us, but damn, that much?! That’s how perfect the day was. Our friends went above and beyond for us — they picked up decorations for us the day before, bought more beer morning of #priorities, learned how to fold pocket squares, gave the dance floor their absolute ALL...I can keep going, but this article is already too long. Mayra and I balled our eyes out ALL DAY. That alone let me realize how deep our love really is. On our wedding day, I learned to receive, to receive God’s love even more deeply.

Secondly, If the relationship of Mayra and I, or our wedding, is lucky enough to be admired in any way, what I hope people really see is God at the center of it all. Our success as a couple has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with God. By building a relationship rooted in faith and in service to something bigger than us, we were lucky enough to be messengers of love on our wedding day. His love drove us to be thoughtful and craft things like the #FMemories (hand-written place cards that included a special memory with the guest). Those are the things that I say made our wedding LIT af. God knows how to have a good time. He knows to get things poppin’.

Don’t let this gratitude towards God be confused with a Grammy-award winning speech where thanks is given nonchalantly. We give thanks with sincerity. Mayra and I are far from great. God is great.

¡Que viva el Amor!

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