Catching your breath to stay calm in meetings
I’m picking back up on sharing learnings (L) from the coach I worked with in Q1 2021. This L is called: catch your breath. It shaped a tactic that has helped me feel more calm in big and small meetings. I hope it can do the same for you.
Late in 2020 as I was ramping up on a new project, there was a meeting where I really stumbled presenting to a VP. I’ve engaged with that level of audience before, but for some reason I struggled this time around. While I was presenting I tensed up, I could feel my body warming up, I started talking faster and yeah…it was no bueno. Mayra, my wife, overheard me and said, “yeah you sounded off bro.”
After exploring this moment further with my coach, we identified that it was partially due to a feeling of imposter syndrome. And ironically, in these moments I do become a fraud. Not a fraud of my “Manager” role. A fraud of my authentic, true self. I try to sound like something I’m not.
So my coach and I got to work on how I could handle anxious moments like these more effectively. The goal was essentially to replace a negative habit (stumbling, feeling nervous), with a more positive habit (feeling calm, peaceful). (Quick reminder of the habit loop: Cue > Routine > Reward.) The short answer to this all: BREATH. *Cue legendary Fabo song “Breathe”* It’s that simple folks.
“One and then the two (Two) / Two and then the three (Three) / Three and then the four (Four) / Then you gotta breathe (Breathe)”
1 | The Cue: What’s my cue to replace the negative habit?
As you may know, any habit — good or bad — is triggered by something. My coach asked me: “When you’re starting to feel nervous in a meeting, what changes? What do you notice about your self?” My voice becomes very monotone. I sound flat and boring. My energy dips. The Frankie Fire disappears! My authentic self vanishes. So that’s what I’m looking for in these moments. The second I hear that fire disappear, I know I’ve got to reset and come back.
I’ll ask you the same question my coach asked me: What do you notice in your self when you start feeling nervous in a meeting?
2 | The New Routine: BREATH
Next, once the sound of my voice tells me I’m spiraling downwards, just BREATH! This breath can be super quick. I don’t need to pause in the middle of the presentation and start meditating. 😅 A quick exhale gets the job done. Or I’ve found even a quick fake cough, as a means to release some air works nicely. On a similar note, I’ve learned that one of the reasons our voice changes when we’re nervous is due to excess oxygen in us. This is why before any big meeting I take a few breaths deep from my stomach, to let all that pent-up air out.
This is also similar to any athlete just needing a quick breather. Unfortunately, we aren’t making a living off playing sports, so our new field/court/game is really the workplace if you ask me.
Taking a breath works well for me. It might work for you too. What action can you take in those moments when you start feeling nervous? I overthought this when my coach asked me. Then I just landed on BREATH! So it doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Just a quick, small intentional action to reground you.
When feeling nervous in a meeting, take a breather like Kobe is doing here.
3 | Optional: Quick affirmation
After those 1-2 breaths, I can keep rolling right along. I’ve taken a few intentional actions to get me back on track. Sometimes I might add in some quick self talk to build confidence back. After that breath I might say, “I am a powerful, free and loving leader.” Just a quick reminder of who I really am, brining me back to my authentic self.
Next time you’re in a big exec meeting or in a job interview and notice yourself feeling off, just take a quick breather.
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